Growing up in the 1960s, the 21st Century was the province of science fiction, unimaginably far off. Now, all of a sudden, we’re a quarter of the way in. 2025 has me in a reflective mood, looking back at some of the big stepping stones of the last 50 years:
- 50 years ago my sister and I started our annual migration, two unaccompanied minors flying 6000 miles from Connecticut to Hawaii for summer visitation with our dad
- 45 years ago I graduated high school and moved 3000 miles away to become an Oregonian (just a few months after Mt St Helens blew her top)
- 40 years ago I met my activist family at the women’s crisis line and started my life as an advocate and organizer
- 25 years ago I had my first initiation into deathcare, when I became a part-time caregiver for the 18 months my father had from diagnosis to death
- 15 years ago I transitioned from an exclusive focus on political and social change to the cultural work of meaning-making and mutual aid during life’s major milestones
- 10 years ago a few of us organized a 500-person 10-hour day of programming called Death:OK, Let’s Talk About It during a year when two best friends and my father-in-law reached the end of their days
- 5 years ago was the start of the pandemic, and of my mother’s long walk into Dementia Land
Before I come to any conclusions about where I might head next, I’m pausing to appreciate where I find myself today. Last summer I launched a new website, with the help of friends. It was a chance to wrap my arms around all the aspects of my work in the world, in a few defining phrases – Celebrant. Guide. Creative Partner.
Celebrant
A lack of ceremony when my dad died is what led me into this work. Teach what you need to learn, they say. For the past 15 years I’ve been humbled by the power of ceremony to provide solace to the grieving, support to those in transition, applause for new beginnings and triumphant ends. Through it, we witness and hold space for one another. These days, I’m in a pretty steady rhythm of about one ceremony per month. In 2024 they ranged from private support for a difficult pet death, to a raucous 650-person celebration of life, to many other tender variations of collective bereavement and remembrance – along with one glorious wedding, and a release ceremony of my own, on the eve of my hysterectomy.
Guide: Death Doula & Community Educator
I’ve found there are many ways to befriend mortality, to hold space for grief, to democratize access to skills and information around death. For me this includes one-on-one educational and support work with individuals and families, teaching Befriending Mortality classes, facilitating group conversation experiences, and presenting to community and professional groups.
In my practice as a Death Doula I meet on a regular basis with about half-a-dozen ongoing clients, as well as serving several a year more intensively as they enter their dying time. I’m also Team Advisor to a group of Peaceful Presence Project doulas in the Portland area.
Much of my work as Community Death Educator is channeled into my six-session Befriending Mortality class series, which I’ve offered through four cycles to more than 120 participants. The only scheduled series in 2025 kicks off March 5th, on-line through the venerable Rowe Conference Center (everyone is welcome!) A number of past participants, along with some of my regular clients, are now meeting regularly for peer support – eight support groups have been birthed through Befriending Mortality connections!
In 2024 I also presented to 13 community groups ranging from Rose Villa (a four-week movie series), Willamette View, NE Village, Viva Village and Home Haven (the “village” organization my mom co-founded); to Washington County’s End-of-Life Resource Fair and their screening of Jack Has a Plan; to the ALS NW Bereavement Support Group, the Providence Brain Tumor Support Group, a group of lesbians over 70, Multnomah Friends Meeting, the North Coast EOL Collective, and the NW Association for Death Education & Bereavement Support.
In my role as Home Funeral Guide I helped Priscilla Bernard Wieden prepare to share the story of providing home deathcare for her husband Dan at TEDxPortland’s first-ever Salon on Mortality. And I continue to respond to a slow but steady stream of informational queries through Oregon Funeral Resources & Education.
Creative Partner
In all my work, I see myself as a partner helping to co-create whatever is needed. Sometimes this taps the organizational and communications skills that were core to my earlier decades in the non-profit sector. This past year I was proud to offer editorial support to two of the women I admire most in the world, as they shared their life’s work in book form: Lisa Vogel’s We Can Live Like This….a Memoir of a Culture and Nadia Telsey’s How to Empower Yourself to Survive & Thrive. And as Senior Fellow with Western States Center, I joined with colleagues to showcase an epic struggle for LGBTQ rights at the Pacific NW History Conference.
Learn more…
About my approach, my experience and training, and the services I offer as a Celebrant, Guide, and Creative Partner.